Finding the right help is critical when caring for an aging loved one

Caring for an aging loved one can be rewarding — but it can be exhausting, overwhelming and stressful, too. Family caregivers often sacrifice countless hours, and sometimes years, caring for the people they love — frequently neglecting their own needs and health along the way. Caregiving can be a long, lonely and stressful road.  

Being a caregiver brings a unique set of challenges

If you ask one of Michigan’s over 1 million caregivers what the most challenging part of caregiving is, you’ll likely get lots of different answers. Julie Lowenthal, a program coordinator for AgeWays Nonprofit Senior Services, manages the organization’s Caregiver Coaching Program. It pairs caregivers with a volunteer “coach” who works with them one-on-one — acting as a guide, mentor or support. Some of the challenges that she and her volunteers see include caregivers not being aware of the resources that are available to help them or their loved one, managing some of the difficult emotions often connected with caregiving, like guilt, resentment, helplessness and grief, as well as isolation, exhaustion, stress and burnout.

“No caregiving situation is the same,” said Lowenthal. “Everyone is dealing with a different set of health problems, family dynamics and challenges, but one thing is the same — every family caregiver needs and deserves support.”

Recognizing yourself as a caregiver is the first step

Lowenthal says that one thing that can often stand in the way of people getting the help they need is not recognizing themselves as caregivers. “Many people just see caregiving as something they are supposed to do as a son, daughter or spouse. They don’t identify themselves as a caregiver and as having separate needs as a caregiver, so they don’t reach out for help,” she said. “Whether you are providing full-time live-in support for your parent or stepping in on occasion to take them to an appointment or help keep their house going, you are a caregiver,” said Lowenthal. “And you could probably use some support.”

Lowenthal shared some advice she and her team give to the caregivers they work with.

Find help and resources

There are programs that can give family caregivers the extra support they need. Some programs, including the MI Choice Waiver or PACE programs, both offered via Medicaid, can help bring care into the home for those who qualify. (There are financial eligibility requirements along with eligibility connected to the level of care needed.) Getting additional care can give family caregivers some space to breathe. Other programs offer respite care — either in the home or in an adult day center. Educational workshops, like the Powerful Tools for Family Caregivers workshops offered by AgeWays, can help family caregivers learn how to better care for themselves while caring for a loved one.

Lowenthal recommends reaching out to the Area Agency on Aging that serves your community to get started finding resources. AgeWays is the Area Agency on Aging that serves Livingston, Macomb, Monroe, Oakland, St. Clair and Washtenaw Counties. The Detroit Area Agency on Aging serves the city of Detroit and surrounding communities, while The Senior Alliance serves western Wayne County.    

“Your Area Agency on Aging can help you understand the resources and programs offered both by our organizations and other organizations in your community,” Lowenthal explained.

Caregivers can also use the AgeWays website to search for caregiving resources available in its six-county region. Other caregiver-focused programs the organization offers include a voucher program that helps caregivers pay for respite care and access to Trualta, an online platform for caregivers that helps them learn, problem-solve and connect.

Find connection

Lowenthal also recommends that caregivers find some kind of emotional support and connection. Caregiving can be isolating. Finding others who are going through a similar experience can help. Lowenthal recommends checking with disease-focused support organizations like the Alzheimer’s Association or the Michigan Parkinson Foundation. These organizations often run support groups that can help caregivers connect. Caregivers can also check with their house of worship or local senior center to see if they offer caregiving support groups. Caregivers can find a list of caregiving support groups on the AgeWays website.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too

Lowenthal finds that caregivers can often put their loved one’s needs before their own, but this can backfire. “Caregivers can start to neglect themselves,” she said. “They are taking their mom, dad or spouse to every doctor appointment but are not making appointments for themselves when their own health problems pop up.” Lowenthal and her team advise caregivers that if they don’t see to their own needs, they might become so overwhelmed that they are not able to care for their loved one. “It’s like they always say on the plane, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first,” said Lowenthal. She recommends finding the support you need to occasionally step away from your caregiving duties so you can recharge and take care of yourself.

She also warns caregivers to be aware of burnout. If you are having disrupted eating or sleeping patterns, you are extra irritable or developing new health problems; these can be warning signs that you need help.  

If you’re a caregiver who needs assistance, reach out to your local Area Agency on Aging:

AgeWays Nonprofit Senior Services:

(800) 852-7795 or AgeWays.org.(Livingston, Macomb, Monroe, Oakland, St. Clair and Washtenaw counties)

Detroit Area Agency on Aging:

(313) 446-4444 or detroitseniorsolution.org(Detroit, Hamtramck, Harper Woods, Highland Park and the Grosse Pointes)

The Senior Alliance:

(800) 815-1112 or thesenioralliance.org(western Wayne County)